"For crying out loud. You are not a tree!"
"Huh?"
"Get moving!"
"How?"
Are you stuck in a coaching conversation as a coach or leader when you know the answer?
I am referring to situations where the other person is stuck for whatever reason, and the only choice is to get moving. Yet, you can't tell the person what to do because you want the other person to come to the awareness by themselves.
Sometimes you wish to tell the person the answer and save you time. Again, you can't because you can't do that in a coaching conversation. You want the person to create the realisation themselves. It's a dilemma that makes you agitated because you see the solution.
The challenge for you as a coach is to create that awareness. Once you get through that, success! This is only the beginning. Telling someone to get moving sounds easy. It isn't, and I can tell you why.
People who are stuck need to learn how to change from their current situation. Not knowing how to change was the reason for their inertia. And that is where you offer them options that work for them.
Here are five ways which work. They work based on the flow of the coaching conversation. Let's start with the easy ones first.
Five Ways To Get Unstuck
1. Just Move Forward
This is for those who know they need to move on and get going. They are built for action and won't get stuck for long. They need a nudge from you to get themselves into the flow and zone again.
Having said that, please do them a favour by checking if they are moving in the right direction. You wouldn't want them taking a wrong turn. Get them to articulate their steps and how these steps relate to their goal and what they see as a successful outcome.
2. Change Your Speech
This one is relatively easy. Pay attention and listen to the words in the conversation. Did the person use lots of negative comments? Everything in the conversation sounded bleak, sad, dark, and hopeless.
When the person is ready to move forward, the way around this is to get them to change their speech to a positive one. Get the person to use positive affirmation on themselves. Best of all, get them to repeat after you. For example, "I am happy. I am healthy. I am useful. I can do it. I am productive."
If the affirmation sounds cheesy to them, let the person know they need to change their speech and what they are telling themselves. Positive speech affects their outlook and their action.
Negative self-talk and negative self-affirmation are a recipe for disaster.
3. Do the Opposite
Sometimes, the person you talk to seems to run out of ideas. They keep focusing on the things and actions that produce the same outcome. You might have heard Einstein's definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
The answer to their challenge is to do the opposite. Get them to do the opposite of what they are planning or doing. Here are some examples.
"I am working long hours".
"Work shorter hours".
"I don't have time to exercise."
"Make time to exercise."
"I hate my job, and there's no growth for me."
"Find a job you love and find ways to grow."
Despite the simplicity of the answer, people are reluctant to do the opposite. They are anchored to the status quo and find reasons to justify their inertia. Your goal is to support the person to do the opposite first.
Once someone accepts the idea to do the opposite, work with the person to identify the steps to achieve it. List the steps towards the new goal and follow up regularly.
4. Look Back
There will come a time when you meet someone unsatisfied with what they have done. They feel they have yet to progress and are still stuck. They complained about their goal and objectives and are waiting to see progress. You know they have come a long way. Here you are dealing with a perfectionist. That's at least what I will define for this group.
Here's the issue. We need to keep track of our journey. If you didn't, you wouldn't know if you had progressed. If we can measure progress for projects, machine performance, and work outputs, why don't we measure progress for our goals?
I would challenge the person to look back and see how far they have come. Get the person to state every success they have overcome since they started. Better still, ask them to write it down and see what else to achieve.
As they put it on paper, they start to see the picture and the journey they have travelled. Tell them that Rome wasn't built in a day. Suggest to them to keep a gratitude journal, a diary or record their progress regularly.
5. You Ain't the Only One
The last one for stuck people is they see themselves as the victims. They have surrendered to being stuck. It is like the whole world is against them. They blame their circumstances, fate, and bad luck.
As a coach, you have to be mindful of a few things. You are not there for counselling. Leave this for the professionals. Recommend your people to seek help. Most employers have HR services for counselling.
Supposedly, the person you are coaching does not need professional help; you could do a few things. Help the person see that they are others with more enormous challenges than them. You need the person to see their own fortunate self compare to others.
Here are some actions the person can take. Go to an animal shelter. Volunteer to help out at SPCA. Volunteer to help others less fortunate. Look for communities needing help and support. Visit lonely and isolated older people.
The key message is for the person to find something that resonates with their passion and social interests. Take small steps. When people start focusing on helping others, they find empowerment. Their overall attitude will improve.
Conclusion
People do it for their own reasons whenever they decide to move forward. Not yours. Whatever your position as a leader, when you are coaching your people to unstuck themselves, the first step to helping others is to have a connection.
When you have a connection, you move to focus and see things from their point of view. If not, you are wasting both their time and yours. Supporting people to unstuck themselves is not mechanical. It's a natural progression of the conversation.
Let me know what you think. What works for you?